There are books that change you. You may begin with an understanding or idea of how the world works because of your experience as a child. Our personal vulnerabilities/traumas give us narratives about the world that leave deep aloneness that seems as though it can’t be seen by anyone else. And then an author shows you the human condition in a way that makes you feel connected. Dorothy Allison wrote Bastard Out of Carolina and it made me feel connected and seen even though it wasn’t my story at all. After reading that book I poured over Skin, Trash, Cave Dweller and anything else I could read about her or by her.
A mentor gave me Bastard Out of Carolina as a gift and a couple of years later I had a chance to have my book signed at Powell’s by the one and only Dorothy Allison. It was 1993 or 94 and she was giving a talk at Powell’s and afterwards I got in line with a bunch of other baby lesbians and gawked at her. I got to the table with my book and she looked up at me and told me “stories need to be told and you need to write yours”. Just like that. I think she said hello and I know I said, “My friend gave me you as a gift when she gave me this book” and her response, “Girl, aren’t you a charmer?!” Will always stick with me. Flirty Dorothy Allison. But the comment about writing; said again when Cave Deller came out and I saw her at Lewis Clark College. Again, seeing me and saying, “women must write their stories. Write yours!”, left me giggly with the idea of being seen by someone so special. Someone who did just that; wrote her truths.
Dorothy Allison passed away November 5th from cancer. She was 75 and so young to be taken by this awful disease that has taken so many. She helped me see myself as less broken. By reading her essays on class, race and queer liberation I saw systems that were meant to stifle rather than the childlike blaming I had been conditioned to perpetuate. Her views on sex, and the freedom we are all allowed in our bedrooms, changed my understanding and began a road to healing that offers a connection she was so known for in her life. I believe she is connecting now to the brighter side of who we all can be when our bodies are free from the hurt caused by others. Rest in Power Dorothy Allison