How many times has your therapist encouraged you to create an affirmation, a mantra, or a personal statement to bring balance to your self-talk?
Something like, “I am a patient and prosperous person who meets all challenges with positivity and joy.” And the first thing that pops into your head is a list of ways this statement is just an enormous lie?
Didn’t she hear you say how you’re late on your car payment AND your rent this month?! Prosperous my ass… You think, but don’t say.
You remember how you yelled at the car in front of you this morning when you were running late to therapy, and they kept tapping their brakes for no good reason. (Those were some terrible things you said about their mother.)
What about earlier, when your partner brought you coffee and said good morning while you were catching up on the headlines? You lamented, “The news would beg to differ. There’s nothing good about THIS morning.”
And when you rushed your kid through the morning routine because the news bummed you out, you were already late, you burned your tongue on the coffee your partner made for you, and you just knew what terrible drivers you were going to contend with on your way into work?
That’s not even close to positive or joyful, you think in response to the obvious delusion your therapist is encouraging you to tell yourself. What a shitty therapist.
Did you laugh a little? Maybe?
Well, even if you didn’t, you might want to consider a little laugh as you roll your eyes.
Why?
Because laughter is good for you…even when you don’t feel like laughing. Even when nothing is funny.
So little is funny these days. So much feels scary, serious, and quite frankly infuriating. Many of us have spent years learning to get in touch with these emotions that social systems have taught us to hide and to judge as “bad”. We have so successfully learned not to deny ourselves the full range of human emotions that we may forget we can experience multiple competing truths at once. See also various therapeutic modalities that invite us to accept and allow that balance.
That might even have been what your shitty therapist was hoping to impart to you when asking you to identify a statement that reminds you of how you want to respond to things even when you are feeling like burning it all to the ground. Or not. Your therapist might be shitty. I don’t know them. Unless I do – if it’s me – Hey! – let’s talk about this at our next session?
Honestly though, that’s not even really the point of today’s message. Today – I’m just here to remind you that there is significant data supporting the benefits of laughter. Just laughter. Even fake laughter has cognitive and biological benefits. You don’t even need to be feeling joy or humor AT ALL. Studies have shown positive health and mental health outcomes for programs that involve simulated laughter.
Have you ever taken a Laughter Yoga class? Holy moly, it is weird, fun, connective, and silly. I highly recommend it. But even if you don’t have the mental, physical, or social energy to leave your house, you can experience the benefits of laughter. Let’s try it together right now.
Stop what you are doing for just a sec. (Please don’t do this if you are driving, operating heavy machinery, or walking on a tightrope between two buildings. Y’all can wait til later.)
Take a deep breath and blow it out like you’re blowing through a straw
Smile (remember you don’t have to feel happy)
Hold the smile for 5 seconds
Now open your mouth slightly while holding the smile and laugh
Laugh out loud for the next 10 seconds
Be as loud or as quiet as your environment or your body tell you is appropriate
Check in with yourself and see how you feel physically, emotionally, or energetically
Say out loud or write down what you experienced.
Even if your only thought was, “What a shitty therapist.”
Whatever your day holds, I hope you can find a moment to laugh – you don’t even need to be happy while you’re doing it. Your brain and body are cool with it.
It’s annoying to know that sometimes a behavior change has to happen before we feel like changing it.
Also – here’s your monthly reminder that “Joy is Resistance” even when it’s complicated, hard, and infuriating. Check out this episode of Code Switch on NPR.
