Human beings carry complex stories of how things are “supposed to be…” The endless “shoulds” of our small corners of the world are catalyzed and amplified by the painful legacies of capitalism, sexism, racism, and ableism. We grow up carrying all that could not be healed, or even held, in the generations before us. Many never even realize where other people’s shoulds end and theirs begin.
When is enough, enough? How do you know?
What do you fight for? What do you allow yourself to walk away from?
Who defines it?
I often find my blogs are more filled with questions than answers. The older I get, the more it appears that the human search for certainty may be our downfall. In that case, I prefer questions to answers. Good talk, Erin…
If someone stops pursuing something, the story others often tell about them is that they “gave up” on their dreams. When I pivoted from a career in the performing arts decades ago, I made the decision with intention and a vision for a life in which I could have a family, be of service to others, and afford to feed myself. I wanted to continue loving things. I chose to let go of making art my profession so it could remain my passion. Yet, there will always be people in my life who believe I gave up. It hurts to know that because my life is so full and beautiful.
It can often feel like the only right or good decisions are those that others understand, approve of, or agree with. If you hold onto something you no longer want just because someone else doesn’t want you to let it go, your life no longer belongs to you. The ultimate courage is honesty – with ourselves and one another. If something is no longer worth the energetic cost of its success, then it may be time to ask yourself whether you’re allowed to change your mind.
I can’t tell you whether you are giving up or letting go – no matter what anyone thinks, you have to decide that for yourself. The truth is that your perception of this may shift throughout your life.
I invite you to join me in letting go of just enough of what no longer serves us, so that there is always space to expand into new versions of ourselves.
Erin Mahone, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor and Clinical Supervisor